so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
