News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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