the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
