He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
