i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want to make out with him forever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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