We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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