A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
