I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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