Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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