That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
