Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
