Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
