At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
