My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
