If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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