I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
