Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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