Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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