i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
