Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
