I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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