you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
