pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
