Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
