Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
