He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Two words: blizzard sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
