a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
