i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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