When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
