I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
