D3 body, D1 cock
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
