hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
