I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
