She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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