highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
