her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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