girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
