separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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