She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
