god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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