Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
