dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
