So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
