I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
