I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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