Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
