don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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