Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My bed smells like the plague
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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