hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
