She just used a chaser for red wine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
