We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
