somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
