I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
