My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
