dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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