More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
