We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they're like a gay fantastic four
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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