Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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