after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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