thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
