I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
