Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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